The Groundhog Has Too Much Hemispheric Power

Published 4:38 pm Thursday, February 3, 2011

Wait just a minute.

Who elected the groundhog president?

Who made him king of the spring and mentor of the winter?

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How dare he force us to take an extra six weeks of sleet, snow and freezing bunions because he has the temerity, and foolishness, to run from his shadow. That shadow loudly states an obvious fact-the sun is shining-and this pertinent information should, if any common sense were applied to the forecast, indicate the more rapid approach of the sun's seasons of spring and summer.

Honestly, the Departments of Homeland Security and Energy must investigate Punxatawney Phil and this obvious contradiction. Nobody needs to spend money on six more weeks of winter heating bills simply because a groundhog has myshadowphobia. It cannot be in this nation's best interests to pursue this course of events any longer as we seek energy independence.

If the good folks of Punxatawney, Pennsylvania want to accept six weeks or six months of additional winter, let them, I say, but let us exercise the freedom to get on with spring.

Let Republicans and Democrats in Congress end this meteorological tyranny.

What? Punxatawney Phil didn't see his shadow and spring is coming?

More power to the furry little fellow.