Return Of The Shaf
Published 3:19 pm Thursday, March 14, 2013
Greetings from behind the keyboard. It's your old friend Rob Shaflin coming at you. Rob Chapman, you ask?
That dude that normally fills this space is as dry as a bone. I mean, the last creative idea he came up with was me, and it's not like it was that good of an idea. Chapman is stuck in a pattern of writing about old cars, family, little children, puppies, and…Well, you get the picture. Puff, fluff, and otherwise weird why-does-he-like-it sappy stuff. So he asked 'ole Shaflin to fill in this week whilst he goes off somewhere and gets his batteries recharged.
Where does one go to get a dead mental battery recharged? Shaflin don't know. He just figures Chapman got out of town having found a sucker in Shaflin.
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So, readers, you're stuck with Shaflin this week, the flashy, creative, wonderful one. The alter-ego that just keeps on ticking like the annoying clock that chimes every half hour so you can't get to sleep. Shaflin's brashy, flashy and quasi-too-long dashy-like this one, for example. Excessive, Shaflin knows, but he can't help himself.
Speaking of politics…(well, you were thinking about it, Shaflin knows) Chapman, being a reporter and all, can't afford to have no opinions about political stuff. Shaflin don't like politics, but he'll cue you in to what's what any way. Like-have you followed all this chatter about the Sea Quest Ration?
Shaflin, for one, doesn't think it wasn't all that great of a show to start with. For you youngsters who can't remember back to pre-HD TV, it was about some silly dolphin and a big underwater submarine. Shaflin just wonders why all the folks in Washington are so gaga about funding or not funding the sequel and how much to ration it.
Shaflin thinks making it available in rerun is enough. Hey, it's not like we ain't seen Sea Quest Ration before.
And speaking of odd, Shaflin wonders what's up with the markets. Shaflin sees the price of crude oil goes up and the price of gas goes up. Shaflin understands that, but he doesn't get is how the price of crude oil goes down and the price of gas doesn't go down. Sometimes it even seems to go up.
Shaflin starting to think maybe he should in vest in crude, but people been telling Shaflin's crude for years, but it hasn't paid off one cent.
Speaking of news, Shaflin also read this story about a new airless tire they're set to unveil for an off road vehicle. Yeah, we know, no such thing as a flat tire any more, they'll last a lot longer and Shaflin even understands they're quieter.
Still, Shaflin thinks this is a bad idea.
What are we gonna do with all the political hot air with all these new airless tires? Shaflin thinks there'll be some serious global warming if this new idea really catches on.
And what about cars? Shaflin wonders when they'll be available to ride the roads, save some dough. And, hey, with their honeycomb design, they'll look pretty cool with the old fashioned rides.
Then, Shaflin thinks, he can take his family for a ride on the new non-inflated tires in his old car to take the puppy for a ride.
Wouldn't that be wonderfully fun…
Oh, no. Shaflin thinks he's been here too long-grounded out, short-circuited the creative side of his brain. Maybe it was a virus-what virus did you leave in this chair, Chapman? Did you forget your hand sanitizer? I-I think I'm starting to write too much like Chapman with all that old car, family and puppy fluff. And, what's this? I've even stopped referring to myself in the third person?
Quick, find Snoopy. Get some iodine. Find the mental battery charger…