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Phelps Leaks Olympic Secret

The most medaled Olympian in history, American swimmer Michael Phelps, has revealed that he and other Olympians have urinated in the swimming pool.

Another “gold” moment, certainly.

Phelps leaked the secret in an exclusive interview with the Wall Street Journal.

“I think everybody pees in the pool,” he told the WSJ. “It's kind of a normal thing to do for swimmers. When we're in the water for two hours, we don't really get out to pee…Chlorine kills it so it's not bad.”

So the trio of medalists hearing the national anthem after the competition could actually sing “Wee, Three Kings” and be spot-on accurate.

Pooling, as it were, their resources.

As The Herald acted to contact Phelps to elaborate on this fascinating insight into Olympic habits…

(Emergency bleeping siren signals)

We interrupt this column's flow and stream of Olympic consciousness to report that cement is drying and we will take this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to watch.

The cement is sitting there, or laying there, quite still now.

The cement is still there, not moving a muscle.

Still there.

The cement.

So, how true it is that watching paint dry doesn't have a corner on the excitement market.

How fascinating to note that Wikipedia states boldly, and regardless of the uproar of controversy and ensuing 'how-dare-you's' that it is uncertain where it was first discovered that a “combination of hydrated non-hydraulic lime and pozzolan produces a hydraulic mixture but concrete made from such mixtures was first used by the ancient Macedonians.”

Goal, then, for the Macedonians, who lead civilization one-nil.

There are said to be amazing examples from ancient days, including the massive and expansive dome of the Pantheon in Rome and the gargantuan baths of Caracalla, or giant pool where people might have swum for hours, people like Michael Phelps and other Olympians.

Checking back on the cement now, amazingly enough-or perhaps this could all be just a touch more amazing-the cement remains in place.


Not moving.

Slightly drier than it was before.

Fascinating and thrilling, to be sure, and one can barely contain oneself while reporting this two-hundred year old development: Britain, home of the Olympic games this year, by the way, saw stucco applied over bricks to make buildings appear to have been made by the more expensive stone construction method.

Piling, in other words, one stone on top of another until there were a great many stones piled on top of each other. Like a wall, for instance, to a room, or collection of rooms otherwise known as a home or office.

This just in:

Blastfurnace cement!

Silica fume cement!

Slag-line cement!

Supersulfated cement!

Calcium sulfoaluminate cement!

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious cement!

Those needing to calm their nerves and heart rate are encouraged to do so now. Take a deep cleansing breath because, yes, we are going back to the cement.

Which is still there.

Not moving a great deal.

Getting drier.

Even more dry.

And now, wait for it:

Those of you wanting an external link, can go on-line and try Verein Deutscher Zementwerke (a kind of German cementwork)…

Now back to the column on Michael Phelps peeing in the pool, already in progress.

“Well, Michael, that truly was unbelievably mind-boggling and I think most readers will rub their eyes, perhaps twice, and read what you just said again here in this column about your Buckingham Palace experience which is not streaming on-line.”