Go Take Your Pet Peeve For A Walk

Published 4:29 pm Thursday, July 28, 2011

A well-meaning friend tried to give me a pet peeve the other day but I refused to accept it.

One of my pet peeves is other people trying to give me their pet peeves.

Oh, no, you're not shoving that pet peeve off on me.

I've got plenty of my own, thank you very much, indeed.

Another of my pet peeves is people asking you to baby-sit their pet peeve while they're off on vacation. No way. I just do not get along with other people's pet peeves. More than once I've been bitten by someone else's pet peeve.

One of my pet peeves is being growled at or bitten by someone else's pet peeve.

Down, sir! Unhand me, you nasty little pet peeve!

Diabolically, some of your friends who want you to baby-sit their pet peeve while they vacation are secretly hoping you'll become attached to their pet peeve and keep it for yourself after they come home from the beach.

That begs the question, of course, about why we even own a pet peeve in the first place. If you can't relax on vacation with your pet peeves along for the cruise, why not take them to a shelter or advertise them in the What's Free section of the classifieds?

Give your pet peeve up for adoption. I mean, when's the last time your pet peeve did anything for you?

Mine never do anything for me except get on my nerves, which, admittedly, is what pet peeves do. They are, after all, minor annoyances that really get on your nerves.

Caring for our pet peeves is a lot of work and I think I'd probably be better off without mine.

One of my pet peeves is minor annoyances that really get on my nerves.

Oh, sure, proponents of pet peeves-those annoying little advocacy groups-make a big deal about how, unlike other pets, pet peeves don't need to be fed food and water. You don't have to take them outside several times a day to go to the bathroom. You never have to take them to the vet. They don't need shots or heartworm medicine. And they hardly ever have accidents on the rug or sofa.

There is a big petition drive on to have a National Bring Your Pet Peeve To Work Day-which really annoys me-but that seems so redundant because so many people already do bring their pet peeves with them to work.

I'm not signing. My pet peeves already find a way to insinuate themselves into my working day, and that is also one of my pet peeves.

People who like pet peeves-and there are National Pet Peeve Shows where pet peeves and their owners compete for prizes-can talk all they want. And if they do that gets on my nerves big time.

But pet peeves are not cute and cuddly (which really annoys me).

Pet peeves do not love you (if they did love you they'd get out of your life).

They will not lick your face (unless face-licking is one of your pet peeves).

Your pet peeve does not miss you when you are not there (because you usually are very much there).

And they don't bark happily and bound around in circles when you come home from work.

You can't train a pet peeve to do anything.

They will not fetch.

They do not lie down, roll over, or beg.

Don't even think about asking one to get your slippers.

So keep your pet peeves to yourself.

And take mine with you, if you wish.

Give me a dog any day of the week.