St.NikiLeaks And YuleTube Gang Up On Christmas Lists
Published 4:30 pm Thursday, December 23, 2010
What a mistake it was to email, text and tweet Santa Claus our Christmas lists.
Now our deepest wishes and dreams for Christmas morning are being leaked all over the internet and picked up by every news service in the world since being revealed by St.NikiLeaks.
Yes, we're all underneath this poison ivy-filled mistletoe together, so to speak.
At least my stockinged fantasies aren't alone. St.NikiLeaks has leaked every single electronically transmitted Christmas list sent to the North Pole.
Gosh, talk about your classified briefs gone astray.
Jolly old St.NikiLeaks.
Definitely not Ho-Ho-Hum.
There were some major negotiations going on, based on the Christmas lists I've seen published in the press, between those asking Santa for major gifts and the behavior they promised to adhere to in return.
Others assured Santa they had been extremely nice, rather than extra naughty, and have since been scandalized on YuleTube with video of the naughtiest variety.
YuleTube and St.NikiLeaks have obviously been collaborating and it looks like Santa's sled could resemble a freight train hauling lumps of coal.
The videos mostly come from family members, friends and co-workers who filmed a host of embarrassing moments with their cell phones and cameras, then resorted to bribery to pressure their victims into giving them lavish Christmas gifts in return for destroying the incriminating footage.
You want incriminating footage? Go smell the feet of Santa's elves after a 12-hour shift of toy-making. Those feet smell bad enough to create a greenhouse effect able to melt the entire polar icecap. Some footage those feet are.
That's right, even Santa's elves have been party to the St.NikiLeaks and YuleTube controversy, leaking various electronic Christmas lists and supplying clips for YuleTube.
There was one elf caught eating one of Santa's Christmas cookies last year.
His defense?
Claimed the cookies had been made by elves.
Among the videos with the most “hits” on YuleTube is one showing three elves doing an impersonation of The Police singing their classic debut single “Roxanne.”
The elves' new lyrics go like this:
“Ruuuuuudolph, you don't have to turn on the red nose.
Those days are over.
You don't have to sell your nostrils to the night.”
Rudolph seems to have been an inviting target, perhaps because-according to St.NikiLeaks-the buck's doe-oriented Christmas list included these four items: a 16-month Play Does Of The Month calendar, a subscription to Play Doe Magazine, a trip to the Play Doe Mansion and, lastly, a Play Doe Fun Factory.
Someone needs to counsel Rudolph on the Does and Don'ts of Christmas listing.
Not that Rudolph's Christmas list, if that really is his Christmas list (and I have my doubts), is anybody's business.
Me? If you don't already know I'd rather tell you myself than have you read about it at St.NikiLeaks or watch the film at YuleTube. If you want the bare, naked truth, here it is. I asked Santa Claus for this:
Peace on Earth, goodwill toward men, women and children.
And, actually, I don't care who knows it.
Neither, quite frankly, does Rudolph.
Nor, Santa tells me, was I alone in making that wish for Christmas.