Published 4:30 pm Thursday, September 2, 2010
Headlines can sometimes jump off the page and grab a guy by the tie or a gal by the scarf and reel them in. The tease of just a few well connected words compel the eyes to seek more…
The other day, I was scanning through a list of Associated Press headlines for stories we have access to, and often do, use. I can't help but electronically thumb through the available odd stuff category. You just never know what strange, but true story that made it to print. Truthfully, what people do should never surprise me, but one has never quite heard, seen, nor written it all.
Here are few of the teasing headlines I found on one such list. It would be easy to go with the straight story-I suppose they're weird enough all on their own-but for your reading pleasure/displeasure, The headline teasers are enough (with one exception here) to provoke one's own odd sort of imagination.
Minn. City Stops Proving Free Doggie Bags: Really? You mean a municipal government had provided doggie bags? The story, in my way of thinking, is not that they cut it off, it's that they ever provided the freebie in the first place. It's almost unfathomable that a city hadn't already cut off such excess spending. Restaurants should be providing their own doggie bags.
It's not that kind of doggie bag?
What's the scoop?
Oh, sorry. Never mind.
Saginaw Co. Inmates Get Work Picking Up Roadkill: Talk about your dead-end job? They're scraping rock bottom. Still, you have to admit, these workers clean up pretty good. At least, well, if they want a clean start, they probably had better do so.
Fla. Teen Bets To Wear Same Shoes Til Graduation: Ok, so it's not a lousy bet if you make it six months before the end of school, but it could be terrible if you're 15 wearing size 10 shoes and have feet that grow to size 15 by the 12th grade. If that is the case, well, some bets-at least for the sake of those you live around-aren't worth winning.
Police Shoot, Kill Bear On Minn. Golf Course: The question we can't help but ask is, what was the bear doing-chasing golfers? Maybe she was a little teed off at all those humans threatening her clubs?
Could it be she just wanted to see a little fur fly?
Perhaps she was looking for her paw?
In any event, it doesn't seem she was treated in a fairway to me. It's rather ironic that a wild creature would become game at a place designed for games. In retrospect, the bear probably would have been happy just to play through had she only known this sort of treatment is par for that course.
South Korean Driver Earns License On 960th Try: If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try…whew. I can't keep this up. Thirteen tries to finish a sentence isn't bad, but this guy-he had a little more sticktoitiveness than I do.
So kudos to his persistence. Now let's all pull over and let him have the road to himself.
And one last one: Colo. Man Convicted Of Shooting Self In Groin: Some headlines say it all. What more can even I add? Except, however, that the wound is not the full punishment for the deed. He gets the joy of a public conviction.
Well, as I have alluded to before, one has never seen, nor heard it all.
And in some instances, we can be truly thankful.